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The Cult: Induction
A note to readers on programming
CAUTION: The following contains explicit descriptions of programming and conditioning techniques, including some "greek-letter programming" terms. If you are a survivor of similar programming, I strongly advise you not to read what follows.
Enya: Cursum Perficio
dark bricks, blood red, dripping walls
black candles flickering, looming, sconces in walls
black hand, fingers spread tipped with green flame
shadows and deeper shadows, formless yet there
with gleaming knowing eyes
serrated shadows - knife edge wavy, razor-shining,
twinned in the wall, paired in the alcove
chanting, low, sonorous chanting -
candle lit, censor lit, aromatic smoke
chanting incense chanting
smells sweet, hot, coppery - burning flesh
"Come here, my little lordling, my young dragon - I have more to teach you"
Peggy and I were trained - well-trained - no one who met us in school or in public had any idea of the reality of our lives. We knew to be silent, to "act like other kids" outside of our home, outside of the pedophile's houses, outside of the Victorian. We knew if we didn't that we would die, horribly, slowly.
Peggy remained silent out of fear - as did I at first. Then, resentment, hatred, and the desire for revenge quickly replaced that fear, fueling my silence as I expanded my original vow to grow up and get revenge to include the pedophiles and the cult.
Somewhere in those first few months, I realized being beaten, starved, and drugged would not serve my goals; I watched and listened and learned, obeying them instantly. They all mistook my compliance for thorough conditioning and willful obedience - but they never knew just what comprised that willfulness, what the motive behind it was.
Only once did my resentment and hatred overwhelm my self-control, early one evening shortly before Easter 1958 - and that changed their treatment of me dramatically.
Late one afternoon, Mary Anne, Greatgram, and Ray took Peggy and me to the Victorian, to the chamber; to have us practice one of the rituals. We were always given the bitter brown liquid to drink before we left the house, and I had noticed before that at the beginning of each ritual, Mary Anne drank from the chalice first - and then, during the "blessing", dropped some dark brown powder into it before passing it to the rest of us.
She did this time also - and I lost it and yelled "stop treating me like a baby! I don't need drugs to make you and Uncle Ray happy! I can learn without that stuff!"
Mary Anne froze and looked at me in amazement while Uncle Ray just smiled; but Greatgram stepped towards me, angry, fists raised - and Mary Anne quietly told her to stop; she did.
She put the chalice down on the altar, came up to me and kneeled down, looking me in the eyes - and asked me gently, quietly, if I was so certain I could learn without having to be drugged into compliance. I told her yes, and told her that the drugs they made me eat and drink, that the drugs they occasionally injected me with made me feel stupid and numb and gave me funny dreams while I was awake.
She looked at me silently for what seemed to be a very long time, then turned and looked at Ray and told him "He is very smart." That hit me hard, very hard - I froze, wondering why she was glad I was smart, wondering why that mattered to her, wondering what they would do to me because of that.
That moment was frozen into my being forever - I was more scared than I had ever been before - or since; fearing my desire for revenge had been discovered; fearing that my sister would be horribly killed in front of me, that they would afterwards torture and kill me slowly.
Mary Anne stood up and walked back to the altar, looked up, and told Greatgram to take Peggy back home. Uncle Ray did not move at all, and remained leaning against the wall with an enigmatic and very frightening smile on his face as Greatgram left with my sister.
Mary Anne then told me to sit down on the floor; I did, and then she and Uncle Ray sat down facing me. I was terrified, but also determined not to let them know, and looked back defiantly.
Mary Anne took my hand in hers, gently, and asked me what I thought I could learn - and I told her everything she or anyone else could teach me. She then, still speaking softly, kindly, asked me if I wanted to learn everything.
I was surprised, and asked her if she meant everything that she and the others did, all of the magic, all of the ceremonies, everything. She told me yes, and reminded me what the price for failure would be - and just kept holding my hand.
I emphatically told her "yes" - because I knew that meant I could learn all that they did openly, without having to hide what I was learning, without having to be drugged; I knew that I would be able to learn everything they did and why, and someday turn the tables on them.
Then she quietly asked me why.
To this day, I do not know how I came up with the answer I gave - perhaps it was, as Mary Anne later noted, my ability to observe things and come to accurate conclusions; maybe as others have implied, I have a guardian angel who gave me the words - I don't know.
I looked at her and told her "it is because knowing things that other people don't know gives you power over them, makes you stronger and helps you boss them around and make them do things, and I want to do the bossing and not be a stupid slave anymore."
Both she and Ray smiled; then she asked me if I wanted to learn all about the sacrifices too - and I told her yes. She then told me I would have to memorize all she said, all that she would train me to do - and that she would test me repeatedly, and punish failure severely.
Again, she asked me why I wanted to learn; I told her because most people are stupid and think that the priest and priestess do real magic when doing sacrifices, and that makes it even easier to boss them around -
I was so afraid she would know I was lying about my reasons for wanting to learn; I was afraid that she knew I was willing to learn about all the rituals and ceremonies so they would no longer hurt Peggy and Danny, so that they could no longer fool me with their tricks and slights of hand, so that I could learn just how they did such a thorough job of controlling us and others.
Mary Anne then leaned forward and hugged me gently, very gently - and told me that I was very smart. She stood up, walked over to the alcove, and removed one of the pale leather-bound books and put it down on the altar. Uncle Ray walked over to her side, and leaned against the altar. She opened the book, then looked at me and spoke...
"Come here, my little lordling, my young dragon -
I have more to teach you."
The lessons began...
Mary Anne motioned me to come over to the altar; I went to her side, and she placed an arm over my shoulders, turned me to face her, and looked at me and started speaking very quietly, very softly...
First, never trust anyone, ever - not me, not Ray, not your mother or father - no one. When you trust someone, you give them power over you, to control you, use you, hurt you.
Learn everything you can, and keep what you learn to yourself. Never let anyone know how much you know, never let anyone know all you can do, or what you like or dislike, because if you do, they can use that knowledge to hurt you.
Never love anyone, because that too will give them power over you; you will do things for them because you want their love and their approval - and love is weak, fickle, and will only hurt you.
Never love anyone, or let anyone love you, because then that love can be used to hurt you and control you by hurting the ones you love - that is one way we already control you and make you do what we want; by hurting Peggy and Danny.
Do you believe this?
I looked at her, confused and hurting - and told her that love was supposed to be good - that love meant being taken care of and being wanted and needed - and wanting to take care of someone and needing and wanting them too -
She smiled at me softly, shaking her head - and asked me if my mother and father ever hurt me without cause, without reason - and without pausing, asked me if I could really say that they loved me... and then asked me if my grandparents had ever hurt me, if what they showed me and how they treated me was love.
She gently asked me if I really loved Peggy and Danny, asked me if I really loved them, would I do what the adults ordered me to do to them; would I really do the cutting and burning and mating with them that the adults had me do if what I felt for Peggy and Danny was really love?
"No" ...and I started crying...
Mary Anne then crouched down and hugged me, and told me that the only thing that mattered was control; that if I could learn enough well enough, that I could control others and get their respect and obedience - either by them recognizing my power and obeying out of respect for my skills and knowledge; or by them fearing me.
I saw the logic of what she was saying; saw how they kept me and my siblings, the other children and adults in the cult controlled - saw how most of them were afraid of Mary Anne and Ray. it made sense to me, one hell of a lot of sense.
She then looked me in the eyes again and spoke softly...
I respect you, because you were strong enough to speak up and speak your mind to defy me and the others; you are a princeling, a little dragon spitting fire at what you don't like.
Over the months, Mary Anne repeated her questions and assessment of me, drilling it into me over and over again - That night, though, she laid the groundwork for what was to come.
She told me that what I had gone through before was the icing on the cake, the easy stuff - and that I had done very well; and then asked if I was willing to put up with extensive training, even if that meant submitting to drugs and more -
I did not see any choice other than submission; to say "no" would mean being returned to the severe beatings, abuse and degredation, completely out of my control; and I knew that I would have to be more careful than ever before to not reveal any of my feelings about them and what they were doing to me and my siblings.
By saying "yes", I would at least have some degree of control over what was being done, and maybe gain some kind of bargaining power over what they did to me and my siblings.
I said "yes"... and asked her what I would have to do, asked her what they would be doing to me to train me. She laughed and called me "bright boy" - and laid it out for me.
I would have to submit to being drugged; "to overcome my instinctive resistance to the training and hypnosis."
I would have to submit to being hypnotized; the hypnosis was to make sure the training "stuck" at a subconscious level - and to make sure no one else would ever be able to hypnotize me - and she asked me if I knew what the subconscious was -
Strange thing is, I did; and I told her it was that part of the mind that kept on working behind the "me" that was aware of what was going on - and I asked her how could I know for sure that she was not tricking me, fooling me, to get total control over me and make me her complete slave.
She shook her head, pleased, and said "very bright boy..."
Then she looked at me very seriously and told me I had no guarantee that she was not tricking me or fooling me; that I had no choices other than agree to the "good" training - or go back to being trained like an animal.
Her eyes were like the eyes of a snake, piercing me; looking deep inside of me - and I knew I had no choice.
That is all it took. "OK"
She smiled and told me that I had not disappointed her, that I was indeed as smart as she thought I was, maybe even smarter - and asked me when I wanted to begin the training.
That surprised me; I didn't think that I would have any say about that - and, I told her "now".
She smiled even more, picked me up, and sat me down on the altar next to the book. During all of this, Ray simply stayed leaning on the altar, watching Mary Anne and I closely, smiling his enigmatic and frightening smile.
Mary Anne nodded to Ray - and he stepped over to me and grasped me by the shoulders very gently; and quietly told me that I would need to be drugged and hypnotized to ensure the training took - and that he would first tell me the basics before reinforcing it with the drugs and hypnosis.
Mary Anne told me to listen to her and Ray, and never forget anything they taught me, anything they showed me - and then told me that was one of the reasons they would also use drugs and hypnosis, to make sure I never forget their training, that I would always obey, and to ensure that I would never reveal what they taught me to anyone else. All I could think was "good, I don't want to ever forget, I want to remember everything so I can get even" -
I was very scared of both of them, and only nodded my head.
Ray then told me that, first, I was to address him as Warlock, and Mary Anne as Lilith - no exceptions, no excuses; up to then, I and Peggy had been trained to remain completely silent - and had been severely beaten and abused when we slipped. I had already noticed that only a few of the adults were Named; those who were not remained silent for fear of punishment; and that the children - me, Peggy, Danny, others - were only referred to as either "the child, the girl, the boy" - or; the sacrifice.
Ray - Warlock - said any slips would be punished far more severely than ever before; I believed him. He then told me that I too would be given a Name, a special Name because I was now an acolyte; that to prove my worthiness, I had to learn everything they taught me flawlessly, that I had to pass any surprise tests they sprang on me, no matter where or when it was - that failure of any kind was unacceptable, and would only prove that I was unworthy, that I would be useful only as long as the pedophiles continued to want to rent me.
He then said that what I learned was to be shared with no one; not my siblings, not my parents - no one; and I said to him "that's so you can control them, because you know stuff they don't, right?" - he smiled, patted me on the head, and said "good lad, that's right."
The third item was that I would have to be trained in a series of code phrases, each phrase signifying a very specific duty and action, and that "normal" training (without drugs and hypnosis) and "special" training (with drugs and hypnosis) would be used to make sure that I learned it well.
Ray - Warlock - then increased the pressure on my shoulders to the point of pain, and told me that I must learn each code exactly and do exactly what each one meant the first time - or be punished very severely. I nodded yes.
Ray then stood up, releasing my shoulders and looked at Mary Anne - at Lilith; she came up to me and told me the first thing they had to train me to do was safeguard the "Family", the cult - and that she would show and tell me what to do first, and then use drugs and hypnotism to make sure I learned it.
I was scared, very scared, and could only nod my head yes...
Never tell anyone, inside The Family or outside The Family, what we do, where we meet, who we are.
If you do, you MUST return to us and tell us what you said and to whom you said it - and submit yourself to be sacrificed as a traitor and betrayer, as an example.
Lay down on the altar, on your back - I will show you how to lay for the sacrifice, and how to position your body and your hands. We shall do this many times to train you to automatically come back should you ever tell; your body and subconscious will be trained to return no matter what YOU think, should you ever talk to anyone. This way, you will KNOW and obey us.
Even if you break away and tell even the least, we will know - and will send you the words "Omega Black" - and when you hear or see those words, you will return to us and submit for sacrifice - like this.
Warlock - Ray - had taken one of the wavy dragon-head knives - the green-eyed one - down from the alcove and unsheathed it, and was standing next to the altar with the knife resting in the palms of his hands.
Lilith - Mary Anne - told me to lay down on my back; I did. She then placed my legs flat, side by side; took my arms and crossed them over my chest, saying "Omega Black" as she did. Then, after a few seconds, she took my arms, placing my left palm on my left shoulder, my right palm on my right shoulder - and said "Do not move" - and Warlock/Ray placed the tip of the knife, blade facing towards my head - just above my belly button - and slit my shirt from there to the top of my chest.
I flinched - and Warlock/Ray just smiled and said "Again"
Lilith/Mary Anne again said "Omega Black", taking my arms and crossing them over my chest - over my heart - waited a few seconds; then moved them once again to left palm on left shoulder, right palm on right shoulder - and Warlock/Ray again placed the knife on my bared stomach above the belly button - and slid the knife up to the top of my chest.
This was repeated many times that night, repeated to the point that I did not flinch, blink, or move at all; finally Warlock/Ray told me that he would cut me lightly - no more than a cat-scratch - so that I would know how very sharp the knife really was, and how capable he was of sacrificing me.
"Omega Black" - and I laid down, crossed my arms over my heart again, waited a few seconds, then moved my hands to my shoulders - and Warlock/Ray cut me - no pain; just a strange very cold sensation, a tingling - and I did not move or flinch.
Warlock/Ray smiled - and said "He's ready" - and sat me up; I looked at my stomach and chest - and it really was like a light cat-scratch; just a very thin red scratch, not enough blood seeping out to form even one drop.
Lilith/Mary Anne smiled, sat me up, hugged me, and told me I had done very well - and that it was time to drug and hypnotize me to reinforce the training; that there were many other codes they would teach me while I was drugged and hypnotized that would make it easier for me to do what they wanted me to learn.
I simply sat still and nodded my head yes, too terrified to speak.
She put on a record that had deep resonant soft-voiced chanting on it, opened one of the alcove drawers, and took out a needle and some clear fluid in a stoppered dentist-type vial - and told me again that I was to memorize all they did, in and out of the drugs - because some day it would be my responsibility to perform the rites, to do the training - if I succeeded in learning all they had to teach; that I had to not only do each thing exactly, but understand why.
She injected me in a blood vessel in my left arm - and in a matter of seconds the world faded, becoming dim - and she asked me if I could still hear her; I could, and nodded "yes".
She told me to relax, get comfortable - and placed a blanket around me - I felt strange, so very strange; floating, warm; like I was far far away.
Warlock/Ray placed a stand in front of me, then lit a very wide black candle and put it on the stand as Mary Anne turned off the lights. He told me to just look at the flame and nothing else, and started talking softly, talking about the flame, the dancing beautiful pretty flame and its soft soft light...
The candle was out and the lights were on - she looked at me and said "What are our names?" - "Lilith and Warlock" I said -
"What is YOUR name?"
My name is Necromancer...
They smiled. Grandpa Art was waiting, and took me home... it was light outside...