Copyright © T. GhostWolf Davidson.
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The Cult: Nature Worship
CAUTION: The following contains descriptions of the religious beliefs of the cult known simply as "The Family." If you are a survivor of abuse based on Crowley's work or of Satanic abuse, the following may trigger you and/or result in abreactions and flashbacks.
The Exorcist - Tubular Bells
People want easy answers, want power, riches and fame. They do not like working to get what they need and want - and it is that greed, that hunger we appeal to.
People want to be admired, respected, feared; they do not like or want to look within themselves and work on their own shortcomings - it is easier and more preferable to them to blame others, blame chance and fate and God for their own failings.
It is on those hungers we feed; it is those hungers and lusts we seek in others to twist to our own will - to fulfill our own needs, hungers, and lusts.
Reading; so much reading. Mary Anne kept me buried in books about psychology, mythology, witchcraft, Wicca, Druidism, and many other practices.
Mary Anne had me write book reports for her, and repeatedly tested my retention; focusing on psychology and what each religion could provide to gratify people's needs and wants - and used the ways they manipulated my mother and stepfather, the pedophiles, and members of The Family itself as examples.
She and Ray trained me thoroughly in the rituals and methods used for "White Magick" and the purposes of each ritual; how to loosen the inhibitions of the participants, to encourage them to do things they would normally not do, to express the desires and hungers that they normally would not share with anyone - and taught me what drugs and proportions to mix with the wine to weaken the resistance of the participants to the suggestions and guidance of The Family. The training was enforced by hypnotism, drugs, and the use of Greek letter and color code combinations.
The first layer of the cult, the Family, was the only part of The Family that was somewhat visible to the public eye; even then, it was visible only if one was to look in the back pages of magazines like "Fate" in the occult section of bookstores - where The Family placed small advertisements for "White Magick Training," "Palm Reading," "Mediums," "Fortune Telling," and "Scrying."
That was used to screen people - and as a front for The Family; various female Family members would dress as Gypsies and do fortune-telling and palm reading, read the Tarot, run seances - all the while watching and researching customers. Carefully worded questions would be asked, disguised as an interview, aimed at finding out what the customer's religious beliefs were; what the customer thought of old pagan holidays such as Mayday, Llamas, Samhain.
Those that responded positively were given free private sessions and asked more questions about their beliefs; and a select few, very few, were invited to participate in The Family's "Holiday Celebrations" only after The Family had carefully, thoroughly researched each potential invitee - their career, friends, neighbors, finances, upbringing, and childhood; after carefully researching their loves, fears, and desires.
Mary Anne and Ray stressed over and over again as they trained me that one could never know enough about another person; that obtaining that knowledge was absolutely critical; that I had to learn how to find out everything about a person, not only to find people useful to The Family, but also to look out for plants, for cops and social workers and other people working undercover.
Those "Celebrations" were held on the ranch of one of The Family members in the foothills of the Sierra Nevadas in central California once every three months. The format of those celebrations was always the same; Peggy and I and the other children had been thoroughly trained as to what our roles were.
The participants - Family members and invitees - would meet at the ranch, and when everyone was ready, would climb onto a hay-filled wagon stocked with beer and wine that was pulled by a tractor, and then ride to a box canyon at the east end of the ranch where there was a small cabin with male and female changing rooms and a closet full of pastel robes - pink, blue, lavender, green, brown; the white ones being reserved for The Family.
The participants changed into robes of their choice, and then followed the High Priest and Attendant to the back of the canyon where a small altar was set up, with hay bales and loose hay arranged to provide comfortable seating for all; and the ceremony - regardless of which one of the pagan holidays it was - always began with a "purification" rite.
Each person was instructed to stand in a circle around the altar holding hands; then to "close your eyes, discard all thoughts of the world and all your troubles; connect to the Earth Mother, to Gaia and feel her cleansing breath sweep all of your cares, troubles, and fears away..."
As this was done, Ray sprinkled cedar, bay leaf, and sage on the flames; and the Attendant filled a several unadorned chalices with sweet wine - usually port or cream sherry - that had been strengthened with vodka and laced with minute quantities of amphetamines and psylocybin (magic mushroom). A separate, more ornate chalice held only pure wine for the Priests and Family members.
It was the task of us children to stand in front of the altar with the chalices of drugged wine - and a small silver dragon-adorned plate of magic mushroom and peyote. Four other children, older children - 11, maybe 12 - stood at each end of the Altar... Ray - Warlock - stood behind the altar, ornate chalice in one hand, and a plate with bread pieces shaped and baked to look like peyote and magic mushroom.
After a few moments of silence, Ray intoned "Behold the fruits of the earth" - and lifted the ornate chalice and his plate, and served each of The Family members personally, including the other kids, my sister, and me.
He then went back behind the Altar and intoned "Come, take part in the fruits of the earth; freely given that we may draw closer to Her and rejoice in her Gifts" - and the participants would come to Peggy and me two at a time, kneel before us as we served them - some partook only of the wine; some also took the peyote and magic mushroom - and it was my task to remember who took the drugs, even though Warlock and Lilith also made note. I was punished severely afterwards if I forgot anyone.
Once everyone had partaken, members of The Family started playing old-style instruments; hammered dulcimer, drums, flutes. Playing haunting, slow, minor-key music... Warlock - Ray - told all to sit in front of the Altar, to relax and feel the Earth Mother, Gaia...
It was one of Warlock's functions to memorize as much as possible about each participant before the ritual, and I was his understudy, studying the photographs and profiles of each participant for at least two weeks before; making it a point to memorize problems the person faced, problems they thought they hid well, problems we found out by talking to their neighbors, their employers and members of their church, by using Family contacts in banks, drug stores, various police departments, and social services.
Warlock waited until everyone had visibly relaxed, gently speaking to those who had problems relaxing; and then he would quietly speak of all the troubles mankind had because they'd turned their backs on Gaia. He would single a participant out, naming a problem the person had, revealing a desire that the participant secretly held; telling the person that the problem existed - or the desire was unfulfilled - because of their lack of faith in the Old Religion - and reassuring them that they could have answers, would have answers if they "came back" to the Old Ways.
During this, us children kept each participant's cups filled, offered them more peyote and magick mushroom.
The results were always the same; the participants were amazed, wondering how Warlock knew such personal things about them; some of them quietly crying as the drugs and what they were hearing took hold.
When Warlock finished, he nodded to the rest the Family, which then changed the tone of the music to extremely rhythmic upbeat Celtic-style melodies; and then told the participants - in a powerful, hypnotic voice - that returning to the Old Religion could reverse all their problems if they would only believe; that it was now time to celebrate, to dance, to cast off the burdens of society, cast off their "old restrictive habits", and celebrate themselves and Gaia; to accept and give Love to each other in whatever way their Spirits needed.
Most participants only went as far as hugging and kissing - but each time, there were a few who went further, fondling each other, engaging in sexual intercourse in twos, threes, or more; and Warlock and Lilith noted those, encouraging them, reassuring them that they honored Gaia; encouraging the others to also freely partake in sex with whomever else was willing.
It was the task of us children to go to those indulging sexually and encourage them, stroke them. Most of those would quietly push us kids away, telling us no.
But there were a few times when some of them - male and female - would caress us in turn, fondle us; reach under our robes - those were the ones Lilith and Warlock made particular note of; but they also stopped the participants from doing anything more than fondling us.
If those people were in professional fields - teachers, doctors, lawyers, nurses, pharmicists, police - special note was made of them, and surreptitious photograhs were taken of them as they fondled us children, or each other.
While all of this was happening, other Family members would bring out coffee and tea, and set up a roasting spit over the Altar to roast a calf, pig, or sheep as well as other food; and the Ceremony would slowly wind down as the participants became hungry. Almost always, the Ceremonies ended well before nightfall.
During the following days and weeks, Lilith and Warlock (Mary Anne and Ray) would contact those whom they had noted, asking them if they had enjoyed themselves. Often, those people would express guilt and shame; and would be reassured by Mary Anne and Ray that they had done nothing wrong, that nothing would ever come of it, that it would never be divulged; that the Earth Mother did not hold it against them at all, that none of the children held ill-will towards them. They also made it brutally clear to Peggy and me that under no circumstances were those particular people ever to be confronted with what they had done.
But - there were a few, very few, who had enjoyed themselves, who wanted to participate in more ceremonies.
Those who had willingly partaken in the drugs and been promiscuous - but had no useful skills or careers - were invited to come back to other identical ceremonies for a nominal fee. Those rituals were run by Family members other than Mary Anne and Ray, and used other children.
Those who had willingly participated and had useful skills and careers (pharmacists, butchers, lawyers, teachers, psychologists, doctors, veterinarians) - and had fondled Peggy, me, or the other children - those people were invited to return to the next Ritual run by Mary Anne and Ray; and if they behaved as before, responded as before, touched me or Peggy or any of the other children as before, they were again secretly photographed as they indulged in their lusts.
Afterwards, they were contacted again and asked how they felt about the Rituals. Those that had any hesitation were reassured that they'd done nothing wrong, that nothing would ever come of it; those that responded positively were asked to meet with Mary Anne and Ray so that they could better respond to what the potential candidate wanted.
Mary Anne and Ray would meet with them at an old house on the south side of San Jose that belonged to one of the Family members, and at the start would tell the candidate that all information shared was totally confidential, and that the candidate could speak freely about anything they desired and wanted. Each one was asked if there was anything they wished the Rituals would include.
At some point, Mary Anne and Ray would excuse themselves for a moment, and have Peggy and me "innocently" walk into the room where the candidate was. We had been trained very well to act happy to see the candidate, and to say "I remember you, you're the one I liked really well" - and climb into their lap and give them a hug and kiss on the mouth and then curl up in their lap; telling the candidate that "I really liked how you touched me, that felt good" - and ask the candidate to touch us again.
None of them ever said no... none of the men, none of the women.
Mary Anne and Ray would return after about five minutes, look at Peggy and me, then smile at the candidate and quietly remark "There's more of that and other things safely available if you are interested."
Peggy and I were then asked to leave the room to "let the adults talk," however, Mary Anne had already taught me to sit in the next room quietly and listen carefully to how they handled each candidate.
Once, a candidate - an older man - renounced his actions, denouncing Mary Anne and Ray, threatening to turn them in.
Ray waited until the man was finished - I heard a drawer open, the sound of paper being shuffled; then heard the candidate softly cry out "oh god, no, no..."
I heard Ray ask him what the man's business partners and church elders would think of the photographs, what his wife and children would think; and the man started crying, sobbing over and over "what do you want with me? How much money do you want?"
Mary Anne quietly told him to relax; that they wanted nothing of him at all other than his silence - that they had simply, out of their love for Gaia, given him an opportunity to release all his pent-up hungers; that there was nothing wrong with that, that they thought nothing less of him for indulging himself - and that there was nothing else to it at all; all they wanted was his silence.
He agreed, swearing he would never say a thing - and left quickly.
The others though... asked what "other things" were available; and Ray asked "what would you like?" Some wanted access only to children, many wanted that and more magick mushrooms and peyote - some wanted that, and harder drugs.
Those that wanted children only were told that they would be contacted; and were later contacted by a Family member who was also a member of the pedophilia ring (see The Pedophiles).
Those that wanted children - and drugs - were invited to further Rituals, where they were encouraged to indulge in more of their desires - and as before, secretly photographed.
A few admitted that they were sadists or masochists as well; those were contacted by other members of the pedophilia ring who also practiced BDSM - and subsequently watched carefully for any "qualifications."
A few, very few - men and women - said they had expected animal sacrifices or "more", and that even though they enjoyed the rituals, they were also disappointed.
Ray asked those people how they got the idea that there would be animal sacrifices, and asked if they had come to the rituals hoping they could see animal sacrifices, or participate in animal sacrifices.
Nearly all of them said that they thought all "Witches" practiced animal sacrifice; that they wanted to see a sacrifice and participate in one.
Ray always sat quietly for a few moments, then in a somewhat humorous tone told them that was not true at all, that such stories were mostly fairy tales meant to frighten children into obedience; but that there were few - very few - witches and warlocks who did practice sacrifice - and, that he could talk to one that he knew of to see if that warlock would be willing to hold a small Sacrificial Ritual.
Ray was a convincing, consummate actor; no one ever doubted him, none of the candidates ever realized - then - that Ray himself was a major practitioner of sacrifice.
Some candidates stopped cold at that point, and backed away from the idea; those were directed to the pedophile ring. Some though, did not; and asked Ray if he'd be really be willing to contact the witch in question. Some of them offered money, a considerable amount of money.
Ray would again sit silently for a few moments as if thinking it over, then tell them he would, but that he himself was not familiar with "those kinds of practices" and would also like to attend. The candidate always agreed.
Ray would then pick up the phone - and call one of the inner members of The Family; and start by pretending that he didn't really know them at all, but had heard of him from a friend of a friend - and then cut to the question of a Sacrificial Ritual.
The answer was always a conditional yes; conditional on the candidate being willing to ride blindfolded in the back of a van - "after all, it's not exactly something you'd want your neighbors and friends to know about, right?" Ray would say.
Ray would appear to listen to the phone some more, then he would tell the candidate that if it was something he or she really liked, that the "warlock" would undoubtedly make mutually satisfactory arrangements.
Every candidate that reached this point said yes, and the fee was always ten dollars - ten dollars for an introduction to Hell.
Ray and the candidate would set up a time and place to meet where they would make the arrangements for the Sacrificial Ritual.