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How to Kill Love
I had been posting for a while in late 1993 and early 1994 about my marital struggles - and the impending divorce. My lawyer asked me to put a list together of the various things my then-wife had said to me.
I posted to a recovery newsgroup, asking for those who had saved my posts - or who had actual conversations with me - for help in compiling the list. Afterwards, in looking at the list, I realized it was a blueprint of how to destroy a relationship, how to destroy another person.
The following is what I then posted.
Want to destroy a relationship; drive someone away from you?
Simply say things like what has been said to me over and over again; use them any time you are unhappy, whenever you and your SO are having a disagreement. Just say the words again and again, and you will destroy whatever love and magic you once had with your SO.
This was my ex-wife's litany for 21 years:
- I have never loved you, I am going to get job and leave you
- You cannot support this family, cannot support me, and you never will.
- Your mother said you are hard to live with, and she is right.
- No one can understand you
- I've never respected you
- You are a slob
- You will never be a real man
- You are selfish, self-centered
- You are not a man, you are a wimp, cannot stand on your own two feet
- You are a failure for not finishing college
- You are a failure as a husband, provider, and father, and you always will be
- You owe me for the shit you've put me through
- I'm going to make you pay till the day you die
- You aren't a man, you can't even keep a decent job
- You are married to your computers
- Get out of my life
- I wish you were dead
- God is going to get you
- I can't stand your guts
- You are an ugly man
- Don't come near me, you disgust me
- You turn Shane against me
- I married you to spite my mother
- Shane always takes your side because you've brainwashed him
- You never discipline Shane
- You don't spend any time with me
- I have never loved you
- You never take me anywhere
- Your poetry is dark, disturbing, I don't like it
- The music you listen to is disturbing, moody, dark
- We have nothing in common
- You are no christian, and you are not a spiritual leader, you're a child of satan
- You are a dark evil man
- You are sick, twisted, insane
- You are a mean, cruel, vicious man, you are evil
- You're demon possessed